When John stumbled from the Botany Laboratory after giving me his jacket to cover myself, my head spun from the recent events. Diana lay still on the floor and I checked her to see if my anger had caused any permanent damage. My assessment of her condition told me she would live, and I found myself pleased, so I left for my quarters to try to sort things out in my mind. At the party, I only had two glasses of Melissa's champagne, and one of Tony Verdeschi's mixes, but I could still feel the effects of the alcohol and things went in and out of focus as I moved down the hallway. Halfway to my room I winced when I moved my arm and decided on a detour to Medical Center to have the scratches inflicted by Diana tended. Would Helena be there? Could I face her after this incident? I finally found myself at the door to Medical Center and walked into the receiving area and sat down heavily.
Ben Vincent looked up from the screen he worked on at the desk at the sound of the door, and looked at me and gave me a smile that I did not return. He got up and walked over to me and I looked up at him blankly.
"Hello, Celeste." I nodded back at him and looked at the floor. John's partially unbuttoned jacket exposed the scratches and Ben noticed them immediately and carefully opened the jacket to look at them.
"How did this happen, Celeste?" Ben Vincent asked me with a gentle smile as he examined the four deep scratches extending from my left collarbone to half way down my left breast and before I answered, I considered what lead me to Medical Center.
"One could say they were self-inflicted, or at the very least they are my own fault."
"Well, let's clean them up so this fine skin of your heals properly." He chose to pry into my problem no more as he lead me to the examining table. I saw Dr. Russell and Tony Verdeschi through the window to her office and could see her speak to him, then leave the room. Nothing could be heard through the window, but it was obvious that whatever she said caused the blood to drain from his face. A moment later, Alan Carter with Melissa Thompson in hand, came in. Melissa hung back while the two men talked---Alan obviously comforting Tony for something. Tony looked as miserable as I felt.
"Oww." I said as Dr. Vincent dabbed my scrapes more heavily with disinfectant. I looked up at him, weariness close to overwhelming me. "You're being more kind than you need to be, Ben, not pressing me for information."
"I don't need information when my powers of deduction are so well-honed. Let's see." He looked up at the ceiling tapping his chin lightly and looking like a dark Sherlock Holmes preparing his final analysis. "You're wearing the Commander's jacket over a half-naked body and torn uniform with scratches from long fingernails which are not the norm on Alpha. The Commander is a gentleman, who would give you his coat after an altercation between you and, " he paused thinking, "probably not Helena's sister, so it would be that other newcomer, Diana Somethingorother."
He pulled a medical gown from the shelf next to him, and handed it to me with a smile.
"For my next feat of brilliance, I predict you will need some rest and I intend to keep an eye on you for a while, so go change into this and I'll have a bed ready for you."
I took the gown with a nod and changed. When I returned, Ben took my hand and led me to a bed. There were only two other Medical personnel and no other patients, and he covered me with a light blanket.
"See you in a few hours." Ben said.
"Thank you, Ben." I managed to say before sleep enveloped me.
"Celeste, my love," Victor said softly as he caressed my shoulder and his mouth moved down from my neck to my breast. The touch of his skin against mine caused an electric shiver through my whole body beneath the sheets we shared.
"Victor, I love you. Stay with me here." A tear welled up and fell from my cheek onto the top of his head and ran down into his ear. "I don't want to lose you."
Victor looked up at me, kissing me lightly on the lips and I felt the strength of his mind and soul.
"I'm afraid I'm already gone, Celeste, but as long as you live I continue through you. One thing you must do for me you already have done." I was beginning to have trouble seeing him and I couldn't tell if it was my eyes or him.
"You mean John?"
"You know that already. He was like my own son to me, but he has many failings to go with his many strengths. You have to help protect him so he can reach his destiny." Victor began to fade even more.
"And Helena is that destiny? What about me? Who watches out for me? Do I deserve a destiny?" I began to sob uncontrollably, sucking air in great gasps and squeezing my eyes shut to try to keep from seeing him leave me. Victor held me and wiped away my tears with the back of his hand.
"I watch you forever, my Love."
"Victor. Victor. Victor...." I reached out, but he was no longer there, and my tears flowed for both him and myself.
"Celeste."
I breathed in with a start, and opened my eyes to see Helena Russell sitting on the edge of my bed. I realized I was still sobbing and wiped my own tears away to try and clear my vision. Why was Dr. Russell here? I 'm not in any shape for an emotional confrontation.
"Helena. Dr. Vincent asked me to rest here for a while. If you need me to leave I can go back to my quarters." I looked around to see that no one else was in Medical Center. Helena and I were alone.
"I saw your name on the chart when I went to my office, then I heard you call out and decided to check on you. You were crying in your sleep."
"I'm sorry to worry you." Neither of us spoke for several strained seconds.
"I checked on Diana Morris, or rather I asked Ben Vincent to check on her. She's in her quarters, and she told Ben she made a wrong turn and slipped and fell. Nothing serious."
I said nothing because I really could not find words that explained what happened.
"Are you up to talking about it, or would you rather be left alone?" Helena's voice was calm and friendly, without a trace of bitterness or malice.
"I guess I'm well enough, although I have no idea where to begin. There is so much I should tell you."
"I guess we both should have talked about something other than business during the last four years. It's a long time to hold things inside." Helena's words mirrored my own feelings.
"Four years ago. It seems like another lifetime after all we've been through, and then again it all feels like it happened yesterday or today." I looked Helena in the eye, and she betrayed neither anger nor sadness. Perhaps she understood already.
"John explained what happened. Tony Verdeschi spiked his drink, and Diana had planned to take advantage of him before the party started." That explained the look Helena gave him in her office earlier. "What I don't' see is why you chose to become involved. Have you--Do you have feelings for John? Is that it?"
I stared at the blanket, my eyes losing their focus for several heartbeats before I looked her in the eye again.
"Helena, I love John Koenig, but not the way you do. The only man I've ever loved that way is Victor, and when he left me so suddenly...." Helena interrupted me and her eyes went wide for a moment.
"Victor. Victor Bergman?"
"Yes, Victor Bergman. After my separation I met Victor and worked with him at the Cape, and we fell in love and began a relationship shortly before my divorce was final. I met John and we became friends almost immediately. He has a magnetism and dynamism that draws you in and makes you like him.
"He was really down the day I met him and he seemed to need someone to talk to. Later I realized he has a problem with alcohol. He loses touch with the rational side of his mind when he's under the influence, and Victor asked me to help John if I ever could." Helena's expression changed from passive to nearly spellbound.
"So you and he never...." I smiled.
"John and Victor helped me with a problem with my Ex and Victor and I took him home to my house to make sure he didn't get in trouble after he'd been drinking. Victor told me this had happened to John before, and something inside of me today said all the signs were there that John would need help. I followed them and saw Diana with her hands all over him and completely lost control. She is willing to destroy him to get him, and I couldn't allow that." I realized that I had needed to get this weight off of my soul, and hardly breathed trying to get it out as fast as I could.
"Don't get me wrong, Helena. If you were not here to be part of his life, I would love him as you do. But the love I hold for him is a pure affection that I will gladly carry to my grave. If John Koenig asks of me, I will do. If I need to sacrifice my life for his I will. If I need to watch his back from afar to protect him from danger I will be there. If he needs you then I would protect you both for his sake. I have Victor in my soul and he would do no less, so neither can I."
I felt as though Victor was here holding my hand, and his strength and spirit flowed through me.
"Celeste, I never knew any of this. I thought maybe John had lost his control with you too."
"Helena," I paused, "he is deeply, completely devoted to you. But he needs help. He puts so much of his energy out to others through his work that there is nothing left to support his own needs. He needs us. He needs you, and I will help you be there for him any way I can."
Helena looked at me for a moment then dove at me and buried her face in my shoulder as she hugged me. I winced slightly as she hit my scratches, but it was pain I could bear more easily now that the pain of the past was gone. I could feel Victor smiling inside of me, and I began to weep for joy.
Michael W. Lindow
June, 2000