Droplets

“Status Report. 611 years after leaving Earth orbit, Controller Paul Morrow recording. The summary of events of the past planetary year is several weeks overdue, a fact I have only just been made aware. Commander John Koenig died peacefully at 0950 this morning, Dr. Mathias, June Dalton and myself at his side. Cause of death is listed as heart failure. John was eighty-one years old, and had served for sixty-two years. His final order was to rectify his oversight and complete this report.

“The change in command has been duly noted in Computer and announced to the Alphans now on duty. The Colonists need not be bothered, and in truth, no one now alive would feel a personal loss. It has been almost two generations since John last visited the Colony.

“This, now, is the eighth year of my third tour of duty. For the record, I am twenty-nine biological years old and this is the first such report I have made in this lifetime. The Alphans now on-duty number thirty. Dr. Robert Mathias assumed the head of Medical upon the death of Dr. Helena Russell four months ago. Pilot James Cousteau is senior in Reconnaissance, and Ted Clifford supervises Computer and the solar generators. June shares Main Mission duties with me. The remaining twenty-five Alphans now Awake are listed on the appended index along with their duty stations and personal statistics relevant to Medical and the genealogy record.

“There have been five births in the Colony over the past year, two of whom died when their eyes failed to turn blue. Four adult colonists died, all of natural causes in their early fifties. No one Awoke in the past year, although June just informed me she suspects we will have a new Awakened within the next few weeks. I will need to review this aspect of her duty as she will now be reporting to me. John and Helena were the only deaths this past year among the Awakened. Their bodies will be returned to the Colony next month for cremation as has become tradition.

“If warranted, I will add a supplemental entry after I review John’s logs for the past several decades. I have functioned as the de facto commander for the past year, but I still wish to confirm I am overlooking nothing. Saying that, I expect little will change as far as our Alphan duty is concerned. Nothing ever changes on this planet.

“Paul Morrow, now Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #657. I’m glad it’s over. John’s death is a relief, if truth be told. Mathias might call it ‘heart failure’, but it was grief pure and simple. After Helena’s death, John just faded away. Even knowing they will be together in the future was no consolation for the pain now. I know. I miss Sandra. PM

“Status Report. 613 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the tenth year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number thirty-one. Frank Warren has finally assumed full duty after a particularly hard Awakening. June and Bob attribute the difficulty to a traumatic death in a prior lifetime, although he claims no knowledge of the event.

“We are still attempting to comprehend the particulars of our irregular existence. Not knowing who or what put us here, or why, makes the situation awkward to say the least. For whatever reason, we now find ourselves on this planet living and reliving our lives, and only a few of us at any given time being aware of our past and of our present.

“Our routine observations of the Colony via our geosynch satellite link finds only three births in the Colony over the past year, but all now have blue eyes and are alive and well. The Colony numbers 240, the number we have come to recognise as nominal. One Awakened woman, Hilary Preston, gave birth, but the child died at two months with brown eyes. June Dalton announced her pregnancy three months ago.

“Dr. Mathias is still working on the connection between eye colour and early childhood death. He is puzzled on many levels... why everyone’s eyes start off brown in the first place, what causes the change to blue, and why the absence of that change is associated with a 100% death rate. One of many things we have yet to understand.

“Various Awakened are assigned to work on other aspects of our existence. Currently those include why certain Colonists Awake, and others do not. Is there a trigger? Could we control it and Awaken individuals whose skills are needed at a given time? Or to keep family groups together? Another concern is why our living environment, this planetary pseudo-Alpha, never decays. We do provide basic maintenance, but that is more for our sanity than truly needful. The only exception to this concerns the solar panels we have had to cobble together. Our working hypothesis to this ‘oversight’ is that our ‘hosts’ did not realise the potential of our lunar-based solar arrays. To be fair, at best we only ever used them intermittently post-Breakaway, on those occasions we were in the presence of a stable star.

“In any case, this ‘state of grace’, as Professor Bergman called it in one of his status reports two centuries ago, would have been invaluable whilst we were in space.

“Dan Mateo’s recently submitted project summary of four decades of research finds that the soils in this valley are perfect for growing the foods needed to maintain our health, something that the neighbouring valleys on this planet lack. His new hypothesis is that the nutrients were deliberately added for our benefit. He has taken samples of the oldest living tree specimens, believed to be at least two millennia old, to attempt to determine when these changes took place. I have asked the geologist Awake to attempt to identify the same information in the geological record. While it will not explain everything, John and I were always in agreement that every scrap of knowledge is valuable. The research also keeps us productively useful; something Mathias agrees is vital for our mental health.

“Many of us Awakened envy the Colonists their blissful ignorance of our origins; we, however, are painfully aware of what we used to be and how curtailed our lives now are. Our limited numbers, never more than thirty-two at a given time, and limited knowledge base keeps us from a structured research plan. We must rely on who is Awake and his or her field of expertise or interest. Only a few short decades after our arrival, upon his realisation we were to live repeatedly on this planet, Professor Bergman did set up a tentative ‘wish list’ of projects. How that man deduced our fate prior to his initial death I do not know. We are still attempting to answer his questions, and ours.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #819. June tells me she wishes to keep this child with her for its first six months before turning it over to a Colony family. I am against this idea. She kept our firstborn child, a son, for six months, and was overwhelmed with grief when he was given to her Colonist sister to raise. I think it would be best if this child were given up as soon as feasible. Certainly there will be one or two Colony women who could provide the care necessary, perhaps even a mother whose brown-eyed child has died. I will make a note to check into this when June’s time is close. It will be best for all concerned. PM

“Status Report. 614 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the eleventh year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number thirty-one. There were four births in the Colony over the past year, one of whom has subsequently died in addition to two adult deaths from old age. The Colony numbers 240. June Dalton gave birth five months ago to a healthy girl whose eyes turned blue at 5 weeks of age. The babe will need to be returned to the Colony soon. There have been no new Awakened, and no deaths among our population, although James Stevens and Tony Allyn are becoming increasingly frail.

“Carolyn Powell has come up with an intriguing idea to explain our mystery flask on the Big Screen on Moonbase Alpha. We’ve all spent our fair share of time watching the red drops manifest in the air above the flask, slowly grow in size and then inevitably fall into the fluid below. Carolyn has culled images of the flask stored in our pseudo-Alpha’s Computer over the past six centuries. As she has pointed out, repeatedly, this was a challenge as we did not systematically and rigorously record the flask in the first several chaotic decades. The flask’s first recorded appearance is eight years after our arrival. At that time, there was a very thin layer, barely a smear, of red at the bottom. The first falling drop caught on record was coincident with the death of Commander Koenig, his initial death that is. For several subsequent generations, the common belief held a droplet fell with each Awakened’s death, but the rate of accumulation did not correlate. It was Kano during his second tour of duty who realised that each drop corresponded to a death of an Alphan, Awakened or Colonist, including stillborn and infant deaths. Carolyn has now confirmed that observation by tallying the recorded deaths against the volume of red fluid present.

“As it turns out, the flask is nothing more than a rather grisly death counter; our captors have an exceptionally macabre sense of humour.”

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry # 893. I am packed and the child and her supplies are being readied for the fifteen-kilometer trip to the Colony. Bob has found it necessary to sedate June who will be staying behind. Despite intellectually acknowledging this is the best for all involved, she is distraught. I feel like a callous bastard, but I just can’t bring myself to feel the grief she does. This girl-child is not my child; she is a colleague trapped in a child’s body. I’m not even all that curious who it is. Does this make me less than human? PM

“Status Report. 616 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the thirteenth year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number thirty. Tony Allyn died at age eighty-three peacefully in his sleep, and Anna Wong Awakened six months ago. There were two births in the Colony over the past year, and three adult deaths, one from old age and two from accident. The Colony numbers 237.

“I’ve had the chance over the past year to review the geological notes left by David Reilly from his second tour of duty. He spent several decades cataloguing the mineral wealth of our valley and the nearby region, in addition to directing preliminary scouting trips into the lava tubes deep within our mountain home. It turns out our pseudo-Alpha is situated in the caldera of an ancient volcano and is completely shielded from sight from the Colony. The tunnel we use to gain easy access to the Colony on the valley floor is literally studded with precious gems; they’re nothing but pretty trinkets now.

“June has informed me she and Bob will be traveling to the Colony this spring to assess the babies and toddlers via bioencephelographic scans. Bob will perform the tests, of course, with June present to log the results and for Colonist propriety. There are twelve to be checked, including our daughter. Added to the thirteen older children already scanned three years ago, this will make for twenty-four children for an upcoming cohort.

“June and Bob will be following standard operating procedure by identifying which Alphans are embodied in the children based on matching scans against Computer’s records; but no one else will know by longstanding order from Commander Koenig. Nothing at this stage tells us who will Awaken in adulthood, but the information is added to all the rest and hopefully one day will be useful to someone.

“As far as the cohort structure goes, it was the Professor who came up with the Colonists’ educational programme, such as it is. He suggested raising groups of children together in a kibbutz-like arrangement for their adolescent years, teaching them the life skills needed to survive. Due to a compressed life span, the children are adolescent by age ten or eleven and ready to have children of their own by age fifteen. This led Helena to group the children in five year ‘cohorts’ that live together and learn together from the age of nine to fourteen. After that, the graduates are paired by an Elder with someone compatible. That has become the task of a woman on duty in Main Mission or Medical. I don’t envy June her job of matchmaking, but I suppose knowing whom it is she is pairing off is helpful. ‘Awake’ or not, simple observation shows many personality traits carry though between lifetimes.

“It’s not surprising, though, that very few pairings come from within a cohort. I remember my own years living in that large grouping. It was hard to consider any of those girls as anything but a gaggle of aggravating sisters.”

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #1036. June has been gone a fortnight now, much longer than usual. I find I miss her company in the evenings. I’ve left a message on her commlock to contact me if there is anything amiss, but I suspect she is just spending time with children. PM

Private log entry #1037. They’re back and I’m very happy to see them. June seems exceptionally tired, though, and has been turning in early since her return. I hope whatever it is passes quickly. I think I will visit the library and see what there is to read that I’ve not already read a dozen times over. PM

Private log entry #1038. Oh, dear God. I still can’t believe it. It just can’t be, and yet, I have no one to blame but myself. June trusted me to not check her logs, and I have violated that trust. The unknown aliens who’ve trapped us here are pitiless bastards. I’ve found Sandra. She’s trapped in the body of my daughter. PM

Private log entry #1039. I realised today that I’ve not updated my private journal for three months; this is the longest I’ve ever gone between entries, even on Alpha-proper. It’s taken all my focus just to perform the most basic of tasks expected of me. June is worried; I can tell by the way she tries not to watch me. I haven’t told her I scanned her records, but I have to believe she suspects as much. Whatever possessed me to do so? Damn! John and Helena decided almost right from the onset to limit who knows the real identities of the Colonists, and until now I never really questioned why. Now I know. PM

Private log entry #1042. Bob has chastised me for ignoring my Command. Damn him, but he’s right. I’ve also been ignoring June. Time to rectify both errors.

“Status Report. 619 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the sixteenth year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number twenty-eight. The unbroken monotonousness of our existence was shattered four months ago with the dual suicides of Patrick and Michelle Osgood. Lisle Picard found the pair of them dead in the herb garden. Bob’s post-mortem found they had poisoned themselves on digitalis from the foxglove plant, which Bob’s predecessors planted for medicinal purposes. While neither Patrick nor Michelle had formal botany training, Bob has no doubt they knew exactly what they were doing. Why, of course, remains the question. No note was left, and even breaking the century-seal on their private logs, which I authorized given the extenuating circumstances, provided no answer. June has voiced her belief that it was the absence of children. That is as good a theory as any.

“There have been no new Awakened in the past year, but as on average that occurs only once every two-and-a-half years, that is unexceptional. The one child born here died with brown eyes.

“There have been three births in the Colony, with one infant death and one adult death from old age. The Colony numbers 241.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #1291. June remains devastated. Our third child died six days ago, his eyes a soft, dull brown, and yet I find myself strangely removed from the entire situation. I know I need to make more of an effort to reach out and support her. We may not be in love with one another, but she has become more than just a friend.

The situation with June has almost made me forget my seething anger and frustration at Patrick and Michelle. I know all too well how this existence is a living hell, but they had each other! Did they think they’ll always be together? That the next life will be better than this? They’ll be Colonists next, living oblivious to who they are.

Then again, maybe that’s what they want.

“Status Report. 621 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the eighteenth year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number twenty-six. There have been two new Awakened in the past year, which has boosted our numbers after the unprecedented loss of five our elderly in one year. Bill and Annette Fraser have settled into their roles of Reconnaissance and Data Analysis as well as marriage with notable ease.

“We are often amused at how tradition-bound the Colonists have become, and yet, in truth, we are little better. We keep to our colour-coded sleeves and obsolete job descriptions for no better purpose than habit. ‘Reconnaissance’ is about typical. It’s a broad term at best. Without any Eagles, horses or even bicycles, any exploration is done on foot. There has been some talk of re-inventing the combustion engine, but the lack of ready petroleum as well as a community desire to pursue renewable energy sources has meant this is a research programme awaiting the right Alphan.

“There is no other news to record except that there were two births in the Colony over the past year and one adult death from accident. The Colony numbers 244.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #1443. It is good to hear young laughter in the corridors again. Bill and Annette have resumed their relationship as if no time has passed since Breakaway. I can only hope that one day that will be Sandra and me.

Private log entry #1525. Did normal Earth children show such maturity by seven years old? As I watch the Colonist children grow it never ceases to amaze me how early they seem to pick their life’s calling. I can often find Sandra in the fields harvesting flax or outside her family’s home being taught how to weave. I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me. After all, back on Alpha-proper she always had needlework to keep herself busy on the night watch.

“Status Report. 623 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the twentieth year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number twenty-seven, Brendan Morgan of Security having joined us within the past month. The Colony currently numbers 242 with the death of one infant and no other additions.

“Over the past year, by satellite link and in person, we have observed the Colonists restructure their community. Not the physical buildings, of course. Like our pseudo-Alpha, their rather small, Greco-Romanesque pavilions were provided by our ‘hosts’ and are built of a polymer-like substance that does not deteriorate. The Colonists have re-purposed several of the larger buildings into group facilities, apparently deciding to take the smaller facilities for individual family units. This is in contrast to the multi-generational arrangement that has been popular for several hundred years. Anna Davis, the Awakened closest to a cultural anthropologist, has been assigned to look into the reason for this change.

“June is preparing to make a trip to the Colony to meet with the young adults about to complete their cohort training. Amongst the twenty-six individuals there are apparently several lunar surface survey crewmembers, a scattering of pilots, and two or three laundry techs. This is as much as I have been able to glean from June, and no doubt more than she intended to disclose. She will be announcing the pairings at an open-air ceremony three days hence.”

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #1598. Sandra is ready to join her cohort. The past nine years have flown past. She is starting to show signs of chaffing under her family’s restrictions, as all teenagers do. She’s not yet demonstrating any partiality for the boys, or any real interest for that matter, and I dread when that time comes.

I never really realised just how fast the Colonists age. I mean, of course I know they live an entire lifespan in a mere forty-five or fifty years, but to actually watch it happen is something else entirely. We who have Awakened become so immersed in our lives here that very quickly our Colonist families are all but forgotten. On the occasions when one of us finds out a son or daughter has died of old age, Bob just offers a shoulder and nods his head wisely.

Private log entry #1662 My turn to go to the Colony to give instruction has come again. It’s difficult to conceal my interest in Sandra’s welfare. I try to hide it under a general concern for all of our people, Awakened and Colonist, but I’m certain June and Bob, not to mention a few of the others, have their doubts.

Private log entry #1663 You learn to look beyond the face someone wears to see the ghost inside. I’m certain I met Tony Cellini while I was out walking among the Colonist’s fields. There is an intensity in his gaze that is unmistakable. He seemed to be looking for someone, although he turned aside when he saw an Elder walking toward him. I watched Sandra for a while. I was good to see her without the intervening presence of a satellite monitor. The uniformity of our appearance cannot mask her mannerisms. It is Sandra. I didn’t... quite... want to believe. I am glad, now, that I kept the records I made over the years whilst watching her grow.

“Status Report. 626 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the twenty-third year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number twenty-eight.

“Anna Davis has submitted her report on the shift in Colonist behaviour based on both sat-link observations and direct fieldwork. It appears a rabble-rouser has arrived, one who feels the need to change things for change’s sake. It is an unprecedented event amongst the Colonists, one that has June alarmed, and one I find utterly refreshing. The usual cafeteria speculation has begun on who our agitator might be. Sanderson is leading, with Carter a close second. June knows, but is being as discrete as always, and Mathias is standing on physician-patient privilege. The magnitude of the changes are not all that great in absolute terms, for all that June is fretting. I counsel a wait and see approach. Change is inevitable in any society, even amongst those in the Colony; and it’s not as if we cannot watch and initiate modifications if needed.

“Of note, there have been four births in the Colony, with one infant death and two adult deaths, one from old age and the other presumed from trauma. An adult male of 32 years failed to return from a hunting party and was not found despite Colonist and satellite searches. The Colony numbers 236.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #1889. In Colonist-years, the five years in a cohort covers the time on Earth we used to consider secondary schooling and university. Instruction is both formal in didactic sessions, albeit only through oral tradition, and in an apprenticeship-mode. This cohort has members covering most of the skills needed for the Colony: hunting, farming, rudimentary medicine, blacksmithing and the like. Sandra has been assigned to an elderly man who is skilled in weaving, and she is mastering all the knowledge needed for cloth manufacture, from growing the flax to turning the finished bolts over to the clothes makers. I’ve learned quite a bit just watching her.

I wonder what an out-of-work, unAwakened Controller does when it’s his turn to live like a primitive? It’s not as if having that particular credential on a curriculum vitae carries much weight amongst the onion plants and riverfish. Perhaps I’m a busker? That would suit me well. A sort of poor-man’s Paul McCartney even.

Private log entry # 1987. We had an early blizzard the other night that caught several of the hunters out and about unawares. Fraser led a team that rescued the men and returned them to the Colony cold and shaken, but otherwise none the worse for wear. Bill tells me he’s fairly certain Alan was one of them, the party’s leader, in fact. Bill said there was a certain way the Colony men looked toward Alan for leadership that gave Bill flashbacks to his days on the moon.

With that little bit of information, I’ve reviewed the visual record of our ‘rabble-rouser’ and it turns out the cafeteria consensus was partly correct. Alan was the man’s second for a period of time, before taking the senior hunter’s position; and if it is Alan, that will be who June pairs with Sandra, I’m certain. That would readily explain why June has yet to pair off this particular hunter. I researched the unsealed records of our prior lives on the Colony; Sandra and I have been together twice, and she has been with Alan once. Cold comfort that.

I’m strongly considering reading my private logs from my second tour of duty. I’ve not done that up to now, although that is typically one of the things newly Awakened do within their first year, from morbid curiosity, I suppose. I can’t make up my mind if it will hurt more to know that Sandra and I were together then, or not.

“Status report. 628 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the twenty-fifth year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number thirty. Tony Verdeschi Awoke this past year and has assumed the responsibilities of Security, which mostly entails keeping us safe from ourselves. The very placid nature of our existence means we often become lax in basic safety procedure, as the unnecessary death of Jim Haines from electrocution some twenty years ago attests.

“The current cohort will be completing their training within the month and the next group of twenty-two youths beginning. June informs me there is lad who will become a member in the subsequent cohort who goes by the name of Iker we will need to observe carefully. He is showing an unusual, very early curiosity about his surroundings, which is often a sign that a Colonist will eventually Awaken.

“On a more concerning note, the Colony currently numbers 228, which is the lowest the population has fallen during my watch. The past two years have seen few births to replace the expected annual deaths. Bob has no ready explanation, although Anna Davis notes that the graduating cohort has a surplus of women that should rectify the population shortfall over the next few years. June informs me that the records show several occasions in the past where the population has taken a similar decline and rebounded unharmed.

“James Warren has presented a request to seed several varieties of fruit trees we have growing in our food gardens in the valley below. Over the past few centuries our botanists have introduced genetic modifications that enhance the nutritional value of the fruits, and James now wishes to see if these plants are hardy enough to survive outside our sheltered caldera. I have no objection and this will be done over the next year.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #2047. Sandra’s cohort is just about done. The unattached men in the prior cohort are starting to eye the young women in a very proprietary manner, one I find uncomfortable for many reasons I’d rather not examine too closely. It’s just as good that tradition has an Elder do the actual pairing, otherwise I might find it necessary to knock a few overly-randy heads together.

Private log entry #2049. She’s become so beautiful. I can sit for hours watching her gather flax from the fields, making it into thread and then weaving it on that huge loom of hers. She acted like a child with a new toy when that behemoth was unveiled this week. Iker was the one who invented that thing. I’m not sure who he is, although I do have my suspicions. He has an un-Colonist interest in objects with mathematically precise patterns.

Private log entry #2052. June is preparing for the journey to the Colony. This is her fourth time to announce the cohort pairings, and while she never reveals the identities of the Alphans, she has never before gone to such lengths to hide her matchmaking chart files. This time she hasn’t spoken much and is sealing her work; I know she is worried. She hides behind the policy of nondisclosure, but I’m certain if Sandra and Alan were not present she would be more open.

Private log entry #2053 I find it interesting that I can remember my life on Earth and all the events on the Moon right up until my death, but that the lives I have lived here on this bedamned planet are vague at best. I have the occasional feeling of déjà vu, but never more. Reading my private logs from Earth and after Breakaway, my first tour of duty, is like reading my diary, but I feel almost voyeuristic reading the logs from my second tour. I have no memories of my lives in the Colony at all. Perhaps that is why watching Sandra being married to Alan is not as painful as I expected. It’s like being a schoolboy again, watching an anthropological film of tribal rites. I wonder if that’s why so many rituals take place in the open? Did the early Elders create the traditions so we can watch the Colonists via the geosynch satellite link? I will admit Sandra looked happy.

Damn, but I still don’t have to like it.

“Status report. 629 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the twenty-six year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number twenty-eight. There were two deaths amongst the Awakened. Aashi Singh and Peter Reeves each died during their sleep at the ages of 80 and 82 years old respectively. The Colony has seen seven births, the majority within the last month, and only the average of 5 deaths amongst the elderly.

“Bob has brought to my attention another small mystery courtesy of our ‘hosts’ I’ve never really given much consideration. In the Colonists with their accelerated life-spans, a standard pregnancy lasts only thirty weeks, or roughly six months, and yet amongst the Awakened a pregnancy lasts the familiar forty weeks. Bob has many theories but no hard facts on how and why the physical process reverts with Awakening; yet another mystery to add to the Professor’s research ‘wish-list’.

“And speaking of research programmes, the next few weeks should see a flurry of research status reports being turned in. While little of what is learned impacts our day-to-day existence, the satisfaction of teasing apart some small obscurity of what we must endure makes this all somewhat more bearable.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #2132. She looks happy. Alan, and I’m certain that is who it is, appears to be living up to June’s assessment and is being a good companion and provider. I’ve made the decision to spend fewer hours observing her and to let her live her own life. Perhaps it is time to see if my guitar here is as good as the original up on the moon. I’ve just discovered June has a partiality to The Beatles, and a fine voice besides.

“Status report. 630 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the twenty-seventh year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number twenty-eight and the Colony’s population stands at 229. The six births this year were offset by the deaths of seven adults, including two young adults from a completely avoidable accident a fortnight past. Verdeschi has made several trips to the Colony over the past week to confiscate all combustive manmade compounds and to instigate a new moratorium from the Elders: There will be no source of power that does not come form the labour of Colonist muscles, or from wind or sun. They have no need of a combustion engine. In addition, the Colony has now lost its senior hunter, although June assures me there is a good depth of talent so that there will be no hunger in the upcoming winter.

“There is little else to document concerning pseudo-Alpha. The status of all ongoing research programmes is contained in the appended file.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #2196. Damn the man! It was completely his fault, and now Sandra has to pay the price for the rest of her life. Alan had no right to be experimenting with that primitive fuel. I still have no idea what he planned to do with it, but he and another hunter are now horribly dead, and one other besides Sandra badly injured. We’ve made sure the Colonists have enough to keep them busy in their valley. And they’ve made good, full lives for themselves, except for that damned Aussie! If he had wanted to risk his own neck, so be it, but to risk anyone else was inexcusable. Especially Sandra.

Maybe it would have been best if she had died, too.

Private log entry #2197. Bob is going to the Colony. He says he may be able to do something to help Sandra. As best we can tell from the sat-images, she’s making a good, if painfully slow, recovery from her extensive burns. We’ve seen others help her move about outside and she’s now walking without assistance. Almost. The bandages came off yesterday and the scars to her arms and hands are minimal, but her eyes seem to be hurting her. I hope Bob can do something to help. I think I’ll go with him.

Private log entry #2198. I saw her, although Bob made me stay at a distance. She’s in such horrible pain. I need to be with her and Bob physically prevented me! I came close to laying violent hands on the man, but... curse him— he’s right. I know he’s aware who it is he’s treating, although he’s said nothing to me. For my part, I’ve bided my peace, although it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Private log entry #2199. Bob has just confirmed it. She’s blind.

Private log entry #2200. Damn the Colonists and their wolf-pack bigotry! They’re all but shutting Sandra away in her home all by herself, barely providing enough food and concern to keep her alive. Their phobia about anyone different has them shunning a woman blinded and scarred through no fault of her own. Bob says he is pleased at how well she is physically healing, but that he is also very worried about the depth of her depression. It doesn’t help that her so-called family and friends are avoiding her. Anna tries to make excuses for the Colonist’s behaviour, saying it’s culturally based, but I bloody well don’t care. I wish I could be there for her.

Private log entry #2201. Alan must be having the last laugh. Sandra is pregnant.

Private log entry #2202. I am close, so very close, to saying the hell with custom and ‘propriety’. If we can’t find some way for Sandra to be taken care of properly in that... that... excuse of a society, I’ll bring her up here no matter what anyone says!

Private log entry #2203. She’s still hiding herself away, but at least her family finally brought her back to live with them, thank God, although I don’t think she, or they, were at all pleased with the decision. June, rather forcefully I might add, trumped my preparations to go to the Colony myself to take things in hand. She met with Sandra and finally convinced her life was still worth living, if for no other reason than the unborn child, then met with her family and informed them that caring for Sandra is what the Elders wished. June even confided to me how painful Sandra’s foster-mother had found it to watch from a distance, but damn it all! It didn’t get the woman to Sandra’s side when she was needed! June believes her intercession gave the foster-mother the strength to go against convention.

One of the few times I actually laid eyes on Sandra over the past few weeks was during that move, and she was barely recognisable. If she doesn’t start taking care of herself, she will lose the foetus. I just hope the child hasn’t been damaged by all this. That would be the death of her.

Private log entry #2237. The child is healthy, thank God. As far as I have been able to pick up from the sat-link and Bob, the delivery went well. I wish I could go to the Colony and see her and the child, but that just isn’t done. Bob pulled me aside at breakfast ‘just’ to remind me of that propriety. I’m sure he knows.

My first grandson.

“Status report. 633 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the thirtieth year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number thirty. We had one addition almost immediately after I completed my summary of last year, Laura Davis, and another just yesterday, Peter Fagan. The Colony’s population stands at 236 with five births off-setting the deaths.

“Bill Fraser’s report on the status of the Eagles on Alpha makes for a very interesting read. When the moon arrived here in orbit we had twenty-two functioning Eagles with parts available to assemble two additional, and additional salvage pieces of various engines, landing pods and spine trusses. Through careful observation of the Alphan images rotating on the Big Screen, it now appears there is a full complement of twenty-nine Eagles in the three main hangars. And more interesting still, there is a wing of three Hawks. So the question that rears its head is not so much how, but... why? Our captors transported us to this planet by means we do not recall, confining us to a small, habitable zone without Eagle, moonbuggy or the means to make any, and then to cap it off, press the reset button after each death. Does the Eagle presence mean we will get off this planet one day? And could it be the Hawks are there against future need?

“Anna Davis and Matthew Llewellyn have proposed a cultural survey of skills the Colonists have mastered over the past half millennia to provide a benchmark against future progress. It seems not unreasonable, so I have given the go ahead with a progress report due in eighteen months. Bob submitted a survey of common health issues amongst all the Alphans. The report is remarkable in its brevity; we are all remarkably, ridiculously healthy. Uniformly the chief cause of death is old age, with trauma the distant second cause amongst the Colonists. Bob’s summary comments it is as if our captors have selected gene sets that have all but eliminated cancer, inherited diseases, and even nearsightedness. He is hypothesizing that this general excellent health may explain the Colonist aversion to any chronic illness or physical deformity, even to the point of ostracising a family member. Thankfully, such events are rare.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #2501. We need to pair Sandra off again, for her sake. Between that child and her being blind, it’s just too much for her to handle, even with the help of near family. June says Sandra has voiced no interest in any of the eligible men she has suggested. She also tells me it is acceptable for the Colonists to choose second mates amongst themselves, or none, if they are of a certain age. Sandra is too young to be alone. That idiot Alan has been gone now for three years, surely Sandra can see the importance of having someone there for her, like June has been for me.

The boy is tall for his age. Like all the others, he has brown hair and blue eyes, and a wiry thinness that reminds me of Sandra. I wonder who he is.

Private log entry #2545. June, my conservative and traditional companion, is about to break Colonist tradition. I could care less, but she has been the strongest supporter in maintaining the status quo among the Colonists. The tradition has become to pair off the youngsters with another in a cohort one cycle older or younger. Given their relatively brief lifespans, it does make sense to keep the age differences small, and I know June has done her best to make sure that prospective mates are within a few years of each other. Unfortunately, there is no one free who fits that criteria for Sandra just now. June says there is a young man who is the eldest in his cohort, the one just about to finish up. That puts him seven years younger than Sandra, a scandalous difference according to June. I don’t care. As long as he takes proper care of her, I’ll be content.

Private log entry #2553. Sandra’s young man took the announcement in good grace, not so Sandra. Even over the sat-link I could see her stiffen with anger. I rather suspect it was only the ingrained respect for the Elders that kept her from refusing outright. June says the community took the unexpected judgment well enough, with only a few looking shocked. She believes Sandra’s family is relieved and that should smooth over any feelings of unseemliness. The young man turns out to be Iker, the inventor of the monster loom. I also recall he is the one we suspected might Awaken, but June says he will not. She says he’s also completely blasé about being paired with an older woman. He appears much more interested in what he can create than any of the benefits of marriage. June says he’s steady and dependable and will be a good provider. For his sake, I hope so.

“Status report. 635 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the thirty-second year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number thirty-one and the Colony 238. See the appended list for the Alphans on duty.

“There has been an unprecedented invitation from the Colony for all the Elders to join them in a Harvest celebration. June, Anna and Bob have been discussing this over dinner the past few nights attempting to understand the motivation behind the offer. While this would provide an interesting diversion to our routine, I am reluctant to allow our entire complement to attend, for no better reason than it is strategically unwise to leave our pseudo-Alpha unattended. However, I can see no reason why the more senior Awakened cannot go. I will ask all those with near kin still alive to stay here against unforeseen need. Bob concurs with this plan; there is no need to upset the Colonists who have children and siblings in our number. Once Awakened, you can never, quite, act the same toward your biological family.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

“Addendum: Once again, the initial edicts of isolation set down by Koenig, Russell and Bergman have proved themselves warranted. While the time in the Colony did pass pleasantly, since our return a pervasive and profound state of depression has lingered for the past few weeks. Visits to the Colony will again be limited to the few interactions necessary. PM.”

Private log entry #2561. Despite the depression that has affected almost all of us, I’m glad I went. Sandra’s boy sat upon my knee during the bonfire’s burning. He is a kindly lad and very attentive to his mother. He’s only four years old, and yet has maturity that’s disconcerting.

It hurt to see how the adults kept their distance from Sandra, even all these years since the accident. She gets around very well for being sightless and almost deaf. I only discovered the latter on this trip; Bob’s hidden that from me, a prudent decision in hindsight. Maybe not being able to see or hear those around her makes it easier on Sandra; a mixed blessing, indeed. Iker was a good match. He seems not to care what others think; although I have the distinct impression Sandra remains less than resigned to her new marriage. I exchanged a few courtesies with her, and wish I could have spoken with her in private, if even for a moment. I’m sure it was no coincidence that June or Bob was always nearby.

Private log entry #2562. I’ve thought more about that visit to the Colony, and I think I’m relieved. The respect she accorded me was for being an Elder, not her parent. June has let is casually drop in passing that Sandra does not realise she comes from Awakened parents, much less I am her biological father. I suspect it is no coincidence that June has come upon me watching Sandra and Iker via the sat-link. Her glances make her disapproval clear. Iker is a good man. June has said in the past that her research into the marriages and children of the Colonist finds we tend to stay together in small groups through the generations. There’s something holding us together almost, even with our memories stripped away.

I wonder if Iker is Kano.

Private log entry #2563. I just realised who I didn’t see during my recent visit to the Colony; except for me and my fellow Awakened, my entire cohort is dead. I turned fifty-three yesterday.

Private log entry #2573. Good grief! I feel like I should turn Sandra over my knee, and not just because her body is the child of mine. It’s been three months and she’s not allowed Iker into her home, much less, I suspect, her bed. The poor lad’s trying to do his duty, and he’s shown all the signs of realising Sandra is a lovely woman. Perhaps I should send Annette to provide some womanly advice.

Private log entry #2616. Finally, Sandra is to be a mother again. Iker’s had more patience than I would have.

“Status report. 640 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the thirty-seventh year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number twenty-nine and the Colony 237. See the appended list for the Alphans on duty.

“This past year saw the standard once-a-decade cultural survey of the Colony. We closely monitor any new social patterns or the development of new technology among our unAwakened peers. Despite our rabble-rouser of a few years back, the multi-disciplinary team found nothing of note; all has stayed the same. It appears the Elder’s dictate to curtail all exploration into combustion engines and fuel has taken root. There is a survey note that states a new oral history has been added to the repertoire citing the evil of relying on means other than the strength of a healthy body.

“Over the centuries, we have gone to great lengths to keep the Colonists on a pre-literate level, for their sake. The Professor was the one who suggested we model the Colony on the First Peoples of the western coast of North America. He rightfully pointed out the land here is rich in natural resources, the climate temperate with abundant water and with an absence of pack animals; all very similar to what those successful Peoples had. Before the original Alphans died out, we had planted the seeds for what the Colony has become. The tradition of potlatches never did catch on, but many skilled crafts did.

“Although initially controversial, to say the least, the pre-literacy decision won out by simple default. In the beginning, we tried to expand our level of technology. We misguidedly thought the gift of a planet-based Alpha would allow us to build on our existing level of expertise. Hah. It soon became painfully evident with the deaths of our aging senior scientists, simply maintaining our skills until the next generation could be raised was our immediate challenge. Then the children did arrive, most healthy and vigorous, but curiously lacking in any desire to explore or develop beyond their immediate surroundings; for that lack I blame our captors.

“Still, I can remember the children clearly... John and Helena’s black-haired, green-eyed daughters. Alan and Tanya’s blond, brown-eyed brood. Yasko and Toshiro Fujita’s surprisingly tall twin sons. Bob and Maureen’s beautiful daughter with eyes so black they looked like the night sky. And the sons Sandra and I had. There were three, two brown-haired, one a surprising redhead, but all with Sandra’s eyes.

“The pride of Alpha, our multiculturalism and diversity, was lost after just a few generations of inbreeding. The uniform appearance we all now bear is tiring in its sameness: brown hair, brown skin, blue eyes, slim build. When the rare sport is born with red hair or pale skin, the Colonists act like wolves pushing the person to the margin of the community. It is so very un-Alphan-like that I can only believe it is something our captors influence.

“Anyhow, the women were the first to notice. As the children grew, it was eerily like seeing friends return from the grave. Mannerisms, interests, the odd turn of phrase all should have been obvious. It wasn’t until one adolescent, Derek Wayland’s boy, started acting odd, remembering events that plainly could have only occurred before Breakaway that we fitted the pieces together. To say Michael Collins was surprised to find himself on a distant planet with former peers that were now his parents is an understatement. We hoped then, or perhaps dreaded, that the other children would Awaken, but the majority did not. In fact, our children seemed incapable of mastering the skills necessary to maintain our pseudo-Alpha.

“It was a shaky thing there for a while, original Alphans steadily dying out and most children growing into an ignorant adulthood, where we feared for our identity as Alphans. Our children paired off quickly, though, and found a home in the awaiting Colony, and their children finally began to Awaken in numbers adequate to maintain our identity. I still wonder at times, though, if perhaps our extinction might have been more humane.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #2987. All remains quiet here. I’ve become a fair hand at my guitar once again. I certainly won’t give Jim Sullivan any competition, but it passes the time. June has prevailed upon me to record a file including the songs and pieces I have written over the past decade. She might find my twiddles good, but certainly they’re not all that good. I’ll have to remember to put everything under several layers of encryption before I complete this tour, or else they might come back to haunt me in the future.

“Status Report. 645 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the forty-second year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number twenty-eight. Dr. Robert Mathias died seven months ago in his forty-ninth year of service. His passing was quick, barely a month after he told us he was in his final decline. Bob was young, only sixty-seven years old, and even he was unable to explain the reasons for his early death. We are fortunate in the arrival of Dr. Benjamin Vincent shortly after I entered the annual summary last year. June was taken rather by surprise when Ben arrived unannounced after following a returning Elder. When he recognised his surroundings and even called several Awakened by name, we welcomed him warmly. The timing of Ben’s arrival quite simply could not be coincidence, and adds weight to the disconcerting belief our captors keep an active watch on us.

“Ben has adapted quickly; the only regret he has voiced is the little time he had with Bob to remaster lost skills as he was only a visiting medical student at Breakaway. It remains an inexplicable unfairness that although we can recall events after Breakaway, we Awaken only with the fund of knowledge we had at that point in time. Ben is studying hard, but he still has had much to relearn.

“With Bob’s death, once again the discussion has arisen of how much time passes between our ‘lives’. The records from our relatively paltry time frame of six and half centuries seem to indicate roughly fifty years between embodiments. Where do we go? Is there yet another ‘life’ we lead that we are unaware of? The Professor’s last series of Status Reports had many theories on the matter, including lines of thought he tells his future self to pursue. No doubt many of us would find such messages from our former selves to be disconcerting, but I rather doubt the Professor to be one.

“The Colony has maintained a near-optimal population count of 238. There were five deaths in the past year, four from old age and one woman in childbirth, and six births, all of whom survived.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #3211. Sandra and Iker’s third child was born last night, and I do not have a good feeling about this one. There is a drip above the flask that seems to have grown since the birth was announced. Sandra just turned thirty-one, old for a Colonist to be having a child. Iker seems to realise something is amiss, also. He has been pacing outside their home for the past hour. I have called for Ben to review the tapes where I was able to capture a few images of the child.

Private log entry #3212. The child died this morning. The most logical diagnosis is Down’s Syndrome, likely with heart problems, according to Ben. So, our captors’ genetic manipulations are not perfect. I suppose that is a relief. I wish I could go to her.

“Status Report. 652 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the forty-ninth year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number thirty-two, the active duty list is appended. The Colony numbers 236.

“We have made a rather disconcerting discovery over the past year. Just as we who are Awake curtail our Colonist kin in what they may develop in terms of technology, it appears we are being ‘guided’ along similar paths. Ernst Linden attempted to recreate basic research in the area of particle physics, only to have all his notes wiped from Computer’s memory, twice. He then kept his notes on paper, only to have them destroyed in a freak accident. He then voiced his plans to commit them to memory alone, only to have three strokes in exactly those parts of his brain that allow for mathematical manipulation. Ben says he’s never seen anything like it. Linden can still do everything he could last month, but he can simply no longer visualise the maths needed for his work. Not even I would wish such a fate on a man so devoted to his research.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #3542. I’m definitely slowing down. I turned seventy earlier this year and have the aches in my knees to prove it. I’ve taken to again watching the Colonists closely by sat-link, watching the ebb and flow of their lives. For all that they age quickly, they live life slowly and fully. They live in the ‘now’ without worry of the past or the future. On my final visit last year I asked some of the children what they knew of their origins. One young lad told me a fanciful tale of brave hunters riding on birds high in the sky and visiting the moons, before falling off and landing in their valley. A rather appealing take on the truth, I thought.

Private log entry #3610. As all men do as they age, I rather suspect, I’ve been reviewing my life. Besides the obvious, if there were just one thing I’d change at this moment, it would be the ability to grow a mustache. A few of the Awakened have managed to acquire a layer of fuzz that needs shaved weekly, but I’m not in that number. My upper lip always feels naked.

“Status Report. 660 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the fifty-seventh year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number thirty, the active duty list appended as usual. The Colony numbers 241.

“We finally, for the first time in this duty watch, had a true urgency. Not an emergency, which would imply poor oversight of behalf of our captors, but at least something to prove they are not omniscient. One of the lava tubes we have used for centuries to access the Colony collapsed. No one was hurt, or even greatly unconvinced, but a new tunnel had to be dug which took several weeks as we could only rely on the strength of our younger Awakened and the limited tools at hand. Even the sense of urgency was only because June insisted we have means to reach the Colony by the Harvest Festival, as the absence of Elder presence would, she felt, be too disruptive. The new, parallel, tunnel is open but the pretty tunnel studded with gems is now no longer part of the journey.

“I turn seventy-eight this year and my successor has yet to declare himself. I will officially go on record as saying that I am tired and ready to rest, and yet every prior transition of Command staff has seen an overlap of at least five years. June is slowing down, also, and has officially delegated the matchmaking duties to Nurse Karen Fordson in Medical. June, my long-time friend, has yet to fully recover from the trip down to the Colony two years ago. She awaits her successor, too.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #3906. Another quite year has passed. Upon rereading the past several years of private log entries I realise how utterly boring this life can be. It’s a sad commentary when even one’s own diary can put you to sleep. Even the yearly Status Reports could be copied all but verbatim the past five years.

On the moon we could but dream of such dubious peace.

Private log entry #3953. But of course, it’s Alan. After waiting all these years to see who my replacement will be, it would turn out to be him. Apparently the fifty-year rule has been suspended in this case. And here I was assuming Victor would be the logical successor. Alan’s only seventeen, but has the presence and poise of a man years older. I’m still angry with him, though.

Private log entry #3982 Is Alan always such an idiot as a young man? He’s sleeping his way through the available women with cheerful disregard of any scandal. And wouldn’t you know it? He can actually grow a mustache— and has.

Private log entry #4061. Alan is adapting himself readily. I’d never say so to his face, but he is frighteningly intelligent. As I slow down more and more, he is assuming the duties necessary. June has hinted that we will have a new female addition soon, and Alan is openly wondering who will be sharing Main Mission duties will him for the next few decades; but of course, it will have to be Tanya. Neither June or I will speculate in front of Alan, or even with one another. Alan must wonder why we do not engage in the popular discussion of ‘who’s coming for dinner’. He’ll soon understand. Or maybe not. I don’t think even I could be so cruel as to tell him what he has cost Sandra.

Private log entry #4101. Last night June and I had a talk like the one we should have had 50 years ago. As it turns out, we surprised each other. She never suspected I knew about Sandra. And Iker isn’t David. It’s the Professor.

Private log entry #4102. June died in her sleep last night. God rest her soul.

Status Report. 664 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Paul Morrow reporting in the sixty-first year of my third tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number thirty, the active duty list appended as usual. The Colony numbers 240.

Jack Bartlett Awoke this past year, but has found himself somewhat at loose ends as his field of expertise is not needed. He has turned to a prior avocation from his childhood and has become our chief flower gardener, working alongside the botanists. The past year has otherwise been completely uneventful. Bartlett and Nova Gwellyn, who arrived last year, are expecting their first child. Ben has explained to them the necessity of returning the child, if it survives, to the Colony, and preferably as soon as possible. Like every other young couple happy in each other’s company, I suspect they have yet to realise the full implications of our life here. No doubt, they soon will.

“Paul Morrow, Commander of Alpha.”

Private log entry #4198. I dreamt of her last night. We were together like we had been on Alpha. I need to see her.

Private log entry #4199. Ben is discouraging me from taking the trip to the Colony, but I can still pull rank on him. I’ll admit the trip back will be hard, but I can only hope it will hasten my own end. Alan and Tanya, surprisingly, are supportive of my decision. I think they know who it is I want to see one last time, although no one says anything.

Private log entry #4200. If Iker was surprised to see an old scruffy Elder show up on his doorstep in the middle of the rainy night, he hid it well. He even acquiesced to my request for some time alone with Sandra, as scandalous as most Colonists would have found that. She has aged; blind and all but deaf, but still I could hold her hand. We sat in silence amidst all the beautiful weavings she has made for her home. How does a blind woman choose colours?

It physically hurts me to see her failing so. She has become as frail as piece of old parchment, and as thin as one, too. She turns fifty-one next week, ancient for a Colonist. It won’t be long now. I’m grateful I got to see her one last time.

Private log entry #4201. It will be over soon. The flask on Alpha has three blood red drops forming. One’s so large it seems impossible for it to stay suspended any longer; that one must surely be for Sandra. I hope another one is mine.

As I sit here at John’s desk, watching the satellite images of the Colony as I have for so many years, I see her extended family gathering outside her home. Iker hasn’t left her side in days. I’ve often wondered, does he love her as much as I do?

There are youths carrying fagots of wood past Sandra’s home. That’s wrong! Yes, all three droplets are still there! She’s not gone yet! Are they so rushed to make sure the old blind woman is banished from memory that they can’t wait until she draws her last breath? No, wait... the pyre is too small. Ah, God, no...

A child is dying. Damn.

I’m tired. It’s been two hours, and nothing has changed on the sat-link image. No, wait... one of the droplets has fallen. A girl-child has just run into Sandra’s home. I don’t recognise who it is... she’s leaving now, pulling the healer behind her. They’re going to another home... Saray’s. Haven’t they learned yet? But no, like June often said, you never give up hope that the eyes will change colour.

Perhaps it’s a small kindness that there’s no audio with these images. A mother’s keening never changes. A small body is being carried to the pyre. I can barely see what is happening. Couldn’t the bloody sun have waited just another hour to set? The crowd is large, and growing larger. I can’t see who all is there, but there seems too many for a child’s death. Is that...? It couldn’t be. No. For a minute I thought it was someone I recognised. Oh, that must mean it’s happened. Or about to happen. If the cold-hearted aliens that control our fate have any compassion at all, I just wish...

“Status Report. 665 years after leaving Earth’s orbit, Commander Alan Carter reporting in the third year of my fourth tour of duty. The Alphans on duty currently number twenty-nine. Paul Morrow was found at the Command desk early this morning, dead at his post. We’ve all been expecting something of the sort to happen soon, but the tough old bastard hung in there longer than we all thought. As required, I’ve sealed his journal, but damn, I’ll admit I’m curious about what he was dictating right there at the end...”

13 Sept 2008

mgk

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