“Daddy!” “Daddy!” The girls called in unison as Robert walked in the door.
The twins stood in front of him, bouncing up and down in matching tiny pink leotards, tights and gauzy tutus. “Well, don’t you two look beautiful!” Robert pulled off his coat and hung it in the closet.
“They’re new!” Helena said proudly, holding her arms out and patting the frilly ends of the net skirt.
“We’re going to wear them in a ‘cital,” Missy added jumping up and down. “And people are going to watch us dance!”
Robert knelt in front of the girls and pulled them both into his arms, crushing the stiff tutus against him. The three-year-old twins gave him matching kisses on each cheek.
Susan appeared at the door. “Let your father get all the way into the house, girls. I have drinks and snacks waiting for everyone in the living room, so go change out of those recital outfits. He’s seen you in them now.”
The two girls turned and raced out of the room. Helena turned at the doorway and looked back at her parents. Robert smiled and winked at her. “You look gorgeous, Cupcake.” Helena beamed and followed her sister through the dining room and up the stairs.
Robert pulled Susan into his arms and kissed her soundly. “Hello there, beautiful.”
Susan returned the kiss with equal enthusiasm and leaned her head on his shoulder. “You’re home early.”
“No traffic tie-ups today. A minor miracle. So do you really have drinks for us in the living room?”
Susan nodded. “There’s a bourbon and water with your name on it in there.”
“Then that’s where we should be,” Robert said, offering his wife his arm and guiding her into the living room.
Susan curled up on the sofa next to him as he took a sip of his drink.
“Perfect,” he pronounced and smiled at her. There were two glasses of juice on the coffee table in front of him and another larger tumbler which also seemed to contain fruit punch. “You’re having punch?” Robert asked. They had initiated the habit of cocktails early in their married life. It had been natural to include the girls in their ritual to wind down the day.
Susan smiled, placing her arm casually across the back of the sofa. “Well, the doctor told me today that I should stay away from liquor for a while.”
Robert frowned. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?”
“No,” she said, her smile broadening. “I’m pregnant.”
His heartbeat sped up and his breath caught in his throat. “You… you are? Since when?”
She ran her fingers up and down his neck. “Since about two months ago. Remember that medical conference we went to in Bermuda?”
Robert grinned. He had spent the day talking shop but the nights had belonged to Susan. The twins were in Texas with their grandparents being treated like tiny princesses and he had Susan all to himself. It had been magical. He leaned toward her, lips brushing hers. “We made a baby there?”
“Mmm, hmm.” She kissed him back. She leaned back. “That’s okay isn’t it?” She asked, suddenly worried. “I mean, your job is going good, we have the house now. We can afford it can’t we?”
The apartment had been more than cramped when the twins arrived while he was still in residency. As soon as Robert could go full time with the pharmaceutical company they had bought a house. It was a two-story house in a new neighborhood. There were plenty of other children for the girls to play with and a new elementary school just down the street.
“Of course we can, honey. I guess you’ll have to redecorate that spare bedroom again, though,” he said with a laugh.
They had moved into the three-bedroom house and given each girl their own bedroom with their own ‘big girl’ bed. Susan had enjoyed decorating the two rooms for the children. But every morning, they would wake to find both girls in the same bed, curled up together in one room or the other. They finally gave in, put a double bed in one room for the girls and put both twin beds in the other room, making it a guest room. Susan had hoped her parents would come visit. They were horrified that the girls didn’t have their own rooms and sent Susan and the girls plane tickets to come to Texas for a visit instead. Robert missed his girls, but wasn’t disappointed that his in-laws would not be coming for a visit.
“Oh, I don’t mind the chance to redecorate,” Susan said with a laugh. She had a flair for finding just the right thing. She also seemed to find it a challenge and an adventure to decorate in the most tasteful manner and stay within budget. Their house was elegantly furnished and they enjoyed entertaining their friends and neighbors. Most of those neighbors, other young couples like themselves, had nice places, but Susan had made her home a showcase.
Robert pulled her to him to kiss her again. He was overjoyed at the thought of another child. Just as his lips touched hers, he noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye. He looked up to see Melissa swing herself onto the banister.
“Missy!” He pushed Susan back onto the couch, stood and leaped over the coffee table. As the little girl came sliding down the banister, Robert arrived at the newel post just in time to sweep her off and keep her from landing on the floor at the bottom of the stairs.
“Missy!” He said, turning the tiny girl over and quickly spanking her bottom through the purple corduroy OshKosh overalls she was now wearing. “You are not to slide down the banister. You could hurt yourself.”
Melissa wailed, more from the indignity than the pain. “I wanted to be like Mary Poppins!” She wriggled out of her father’s arms and retreated to the safety of her mother on the couch.
Helena was carefully coming down the steps, holding the hand rail like she had been taught. “Mary Poppins went up the banister,” she said with serious authority.
“And that was just a movie. Wasn’t it, cupcake?” Robert said, sweeping his other daughter into his arms and carrying her to join sister and mother on the sofa. Melissa wiped a tear from her eye and slipped out of Susan’s lap so she could sit on the floor and drink her juice.
Robert sighed and took another sip of his drink. Another disaster averted. Missy certainly kept them all on their toes. Helena leaned up and delivered a soft kiss to his cheek then joined her sister. The two of them divided out their crackers and cheese on two small plates. Robert picked up his own drink and put his arm around Susan. Good God, he felt wonderful. Beautiful wife, beautiful home, job of his dreams, and the children, a product of the love he and Susan felt for each other. He wanted to put his hand on her belly, examine her for himself, sweep her off to bed. But there would be ample time for that when the girls were safely sound asleep. He could tell that Susan understood him by the way she smiled at him.
Family life continued normally for the next few weeks. Missy and Helena kept their parents both busy and enchanted. They went to dance lessons, played with friends, and Susan continued to teach them to read, something both girls seemed destined to do well before starting kindergarten. Robert was bursting with pride in his small family. He adored Susan and treasured his time with the girls. Although an avid golfer, he secretly treasured his winter Saturday mornings with the girls. It was Susan’s morning to sleep late. Robert was a morning person; always up at the crack of dawn. He would make coffee and enjoy the morning paper. When the girls made their way down the stairs, proudly dressing themselves in the clothing Susan laid out for them the night before, he would serve them milk with a drop or two of coffee. Missy and Helena both loved the smell of coffee and would eagerly take that first sip and lean back with a sigh.
After breakfast the three of them would bundle up, take their ice skates from the hooks in the garage and head down to the nearby park. Robert hadn’t skated since high school, but when his brother gave the girls skates for Christmas he renewed his acquaintance with the blades. It was much easier to keep up with the twins while on the ice himself. Susan had declared that a Yankee sport which she had no interest in. As a country girl, she had been sitting a horse before she could walk, but had never been on roller skates, much less ice skates. So they began their Saturday morning ritual of going skating before the big boys in the neighborhood showed up with their hockey sticks. The girls called it ‘daddyday’ instead of Saturday.
On a Friday morning three weeks after Susan’s announcement, Robert was standing in front of the large mirrored closet door, tying his tie. Susan stood in front of him, still naked from her shower, and trying to decide if she were showing yet. She had determinedly recovered her figure after the twins were born and was carefully watching her food intake. She turned this way and that, holding her hand to her belly, undecided.
Robert thought she looked fabulous and his attention to the knot in his tie was being severely distracted by his wife. If he hadn’t been sneaking another look at her nude form in front of him, he wouldn’t have ever noticed her wince. She moved her hand to one side for a second.
“What’s wrong.”
“Oh, nothing. Just a little twinge.”
“What kind of twinge?”
“The baby’s probably just growing some and my muscles aren’t used to it yet.”
He leaned down and placed his hand were hers had moved to. “Here?” he asked. He snuck a kiss to her neck as he felt.
“Robert, you don’t have time for this, you’ll be late to work.”
If it hadn’t been for that wince, she would have been correct. He would have been contemplating sweeping her back to bed. His fingers moved over her belly. “You said it was here?” he asked again.
“Yes. Ouch. That’s tender.”
“How about here?” he asked, moving his hand lower and toward the middle of her belly.
“Nope. No problem there.”
“I want you to call Dr. Saddler about it,” he said firmly.
“Honey, it’s just a twinge!”
“I know what you said, woman! But I also know your threshold for pain.” His voice got louder with impatience. He swallowed it and tried a different tack. “Please, Sus. Call him this morning and describe the pain to him. Let him decide.”
“I don’t want to bother…”
“Look. We’re paying him good money for that. He’s supposed to be there when we need him.”
“I’ll need to find a sitter for the girls, then go all the way over to the clinic.”
“Why don’t you drop the girls by my office. I’ll take them to lunch while you’re at the doctor’s. I haven’t shown them off in a while.”
She smiled at him. “I think this is some kind of plot to show off the girls.”
“Take it however you want it,” he said, forcing himself to joke with her. “Just humor me. Call me a nervous expectant father.”
“All right, Daddy. I’ll do it,” she teased. She tugged at his tie to straighten it and turned to get dressed.
He spent the morning in the lab and returned to his office just before eleven. As he looked down the hallway he saw Melissa peeking out of his office door. Her face lit up when she saw him. “Hi Daddy!”
She ran to him and he picked her up into a big bear hug. “There’s my Missy. Where’s your sister and your mommy?”
“In your office.” Melissa pointed down the hall. “Mommy said we can help you work while she goes to see the doctor. He’s taking care of our little brother.”
“That’s right my sweetheart.” He gave her a kiss as he walked into his office. Helena was sitting in her mother’s lap looking at a picture book. Susan handed the book to Helena and scooted her off her lap. Robert put Melissa down and the two girls sat on the floor with the book between them.
“My appointment is in just a few minutes,” Susan said, accepting his kiss on the cheek.
“We’ll be fine. We’ll go to lunch first, then they can play here while I do paperwork when we get back.”
Susan nodded and pointed out a bag of coloring books she had brought along. He gave her arm a reassuring squeeze and she hurried out.
He enjoyed showing off the girls. They walked down the hallway and stepped into several offices to say hello. Helena was curious, but a bit shy. Robert picked her up and she clung to him and shyly said hello when she was spoken to. Missy was fearless. She spoke to everyone and chattered away about going to lunch with Daddy and Mommy going to the doctor. When they got to a large room where the staff secretaries sat typing up reports, the girls charmed them all and Missy made them laugh when she told them that her baby brother was living in her mommy’s tummy, but she was going to teach him to ice skate just as soon as he came out.
At the restaurant both girls chattered away happily. Robert allowed them to choose what they wanted to eat from the children’s menu. Missy asked for the grill cheese sandwich and Helena wanted a hot dog. Both were foods they could handle on their own, so Robert was able to enjoy his BLT sandwich and his daughters’ company. He was very pleased when both the waiter and one of the nearby diners commented to him on their behavior. Their mother insisted on good table manners at home and he was certain that she had stressed to them that they should be on their best behavior when eating out with their father.
When they returned to work his boss, Peter Krusewski was standing in the lobby with is wife Janet. Janet was a kind lady in her mid-fifties with children in college. She had befriended Susan while she was pregnant with the twins and helped after their arrival. The twins adored her. They ran to her arms as soon as they saw her. Robert met Peter’s eyes and knew that his guess of this morning had been correct. They stepped to one side while Janet spoke with the girls.
“Susan called Janet,” Peter said. “The doctor is admitting her to the hospital immediately.”
“It’s an ectopic pregnancy isn’t it?”
“I thought you might have diagnosed it yourself.”
“I wish I had noticed it earlier. Susan is just one of those people who doesn’t notice pain.”
Peter nodded. “They’re prepping her for surgery now. Janet will take the girls to your house and stay with them as long as needed. You should probably call her parents, don’t you think?”
Robert nodded. A part of him went numb. His worry over Susan was too much for him to handle right now and still function. And the girls needed him. And Susan needed him.
Peter motioned to the board room just off the reception area. “Why don’t you place the call in there and I’ll take you to the hospital as soon as you’ve talked to them.”
“Thanks, Peter.”
The call didn’t take long. As usual, Lisa Miller tried to pretend that she didn’t know who he was. It was absurd to still be identifying himself as Robert Thompson every time he called his in-law’s house, but he didn’t waste time playing that game. Susan was in trouble and they adored her every bit as much as he did. He explained the problem, told her which hospital Susan would be in, that the girls would be with a good friend and that he would keep them posted. Mrs. Miller immediately told him they would be there as soon as they could get a flight out. It nearly made him choke to say it but he told them they would be welcome to stay as long as they wished. She hung up without any sort of small talk. It didn’t matter to him. All he wanted was to get to Susan as quickly as possible.
The girls were already whisked away by the time he returned to the lobby. Peter was waiting for him and drove him to the hospital. He arrived on the floor just in time to see her for a few seconds before she was rolled into surgery. They barely had time to look into each other’s eyes and touch their fingers together. He told her that her parents were on their way and she nodded, then the orderlies pushed her through a set of swinging double doors and she was gone.
He spent a nerve-wracking two hours in the waiting room. The stale coffee was inedible and the magazines were two years old. He paced the floor and looked out the window at the parking lot below. He thought about his precious daughters. He thought about how much he loved Susan and how precious she was to him. He thought about his son.
Somehow they had all simply assumed that this would be a boy. When they talked about the baby, it was ‘he’ and ‘him’. Missy and Helena spoke with confidence of their little brother. But now that little brother would never be. Robert had never realized that anything could hurt so badly.
The familiar sights, sounds and smells of the hospital began to seep into his consciousness. He had enjoyed his days as a resident, and might have been content to become a staff physician, but research had been a siren song. He found it more intellectually stimulating than dealing with similar ailments day after day. And the lure of a steady job with a good income was welcome with a growing family. Susan had enjoyed working before the girls came, but she was needed at home now. He didn’t regret the choices he had made, be it career or personal.
All that mattered to him right now, however, was Susan. It hurt to think of losing the baby. Losing Susan was completely unthinkable. She absolutely must recover. He didn’t think he could live without her. He didn’t think he knew how.
A nurse in a freshly starched uniform appeared at his elbow. She led him to the hallway outside the operating theatre. Dr. Saddler stood in the hallway, still dressed in surgical greens.
“Robert,” he said quietly and somberly, taking his hand.
“Gene. How is she?” Robert tried to keep his voice from cracking with emotion, and almost succeeded.
“It’s very serious. Right now she’s stable, but she was already bleeding internally from a tear in her uterus when we opened her up. There was nothing we could do for the baby, of course…”
Robert nodded, the ache in his heart growing. “Susan?”
“We need to make a decision. Robert, her right fallopian tube is unrecoverable, and her uterus is ripped. We can possibly save her left ovary, but should she conceive again, I doubt she would ever carry a child to term. In fact, if she tried, the uterus most likely would not be able to stand the strain, and we might not be able to save her.”
Robert swallowed hard, knowing what he was being asked, but wanting to hear the question. “What are you saying, Gene?”
“My recommendation is a total hysterectomy.”
“She’s still in her twenties, Gene. We wanted to have more children…”
“It would be dangerous, Robert. Even if you do not give permission for the hysterectomy, the next pregnancy could kill her.”
“I’d like to at least talk it over with her.”
“And subject her to a second operation? Major surgery. I wish we had the luxury for that, but I really feel you need to make this decision now.”
Robert’s heart beat faster. He didn’t want to make this decision alone. Susan should have some say in it. At this moment, he even wished for the counsel of his in-laws. After all, his father-in-law was a doctor. And Robert was sure Randolph Miller would have the best interest of Susan at heart.
“I’m thinking only of her health, Robert,” Dr. Saddler insisted. “I want to make sure those beautiful little girls of yours have the benefit of growing up with a mother.”
Robert put his hand against the wall and closed his eyes, just for a moment. It was up to him. He would have to make the decision and live with it. He knew he couldn’t put Susan at risk.
“Do it,” he said hoarsely.
Dr. Saddler put his hand on Robert’s shoulder. “It’s the right decision, Robert.”
Robert nodded. The doctor disappeared behind the double doors.
Two more agonizing hours were spent in the waiting room. Phil came by after work and sat with him for a while. He brought the keys to Robert’s car, which he had brought over from work. Robert called home and asked about the girls. He talked to each one. They had made cookies in the afternoon and Melissa chattered about that. Helena asked where he and Mommy were, and he explained patiently that Mommy had a tummy ache and the doctors were helping her to feel better. Helena accepted the explanation and admonished him to take good care of Mommy. He nearly choked up as he promised her that he would.
Finally the surgeon came out and spoke to him. She was in recovery. The stress to her fallopian tube had already caused it to rip and she had been bleeding internally. There was considerable blood loss. The hysterectomy itself had been routine. Susan would be weak and it would be over a week before she would be able to go home, but he expected a complete recovery.
Robert waited impatiently until they moved her to a room. Phil took him to the hospital cafeteria and he ate, but he had no idea what he ate or what it tasted like. The trauma of losing the baby would be bad enough, but now he would have to tell her that they couldn’t have any more children. Ever. It hurt so bad he could barely swallow.
When he could finally see her, she looked so small and pale and lifeless that he first feared she was dead. His stomach did flip-flops and he regretted eating. There were tubes running into her arm and nose, and he noticed a bag indicating that she had a catheter to keep her from needing to get up to urinate. There were bags under her eyes and her hair was in complete disarray, something she detested, even when getting up in the morning.
“Sus?” he asked quietly.
She tried to move one hand toward him.
“Robbie,” she said softly, as if she barely had the energy to speak. He knew it was mostly a hold over from the anesthesia. But she was always such a bundle of energy. It scared him.
In two steps he was by her side. He held her hand gently and smoothed back her hair with his other hand. “Hi.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say and was afraid that if he uttered another word he would start to sob.
“I lost the baby,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”
He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I know. It’s awful. But, as long as I don’t lose you. I need you.”
“We can try again, when I’m better.”
Robert was at a loss. He wasn’t ready to tell her, and wasn’t sure he she was ready to hear it, but he knew it would only get harder. “Sus? They said you were all torn up. We can’t try again.”
Her eyes widened. “Can’t? Not… ever?”
Robert shook his head. “We have two beautiful little girls who need their Mommy. And I need you. So you just have to concentrate on getting better now, okay?”
Tears began sliding from the corners of her eyes.
“Darling. Susan. Don’t cry. Please.” He stroked her cheek, then leaned down to press his cheek to hers. “Don’t cry. I love you. I need you.”
She struggled to turn onto her side, but her body wouldn’t cooperate. He did what he could to help her find a comfortable position. Then he pulled a chair next to the bed and held her hand until she drifted off to sleep.
Nurses came and went, but didn’t ask him to leave the bedside. It was nearly midnight when the door opened and he heard the click of high heels on the linoleum floor. He looked up, and felt only relief to see tiny Lisa Miller approaching the bed. He stood. Lisa Miller took in the situation, glancing at the other bed in the semi-private room. She removed her overcoat and tossed it on the other bed. Robert had been glad it was vacant. He knew that Lisa was thinking that this should be a private room. Robert knew their insurance wouldn’t cover that.
She barely glanced at Robert as he relinquished his chair.
“She’s sleeping,” he said softly.
“I can see that,” she snapped. “I don’t intend to wake her.”
He nodded. Nothing had changed on that front.
“Randolph is speaking to the nurses. He’ll want to talk to you as well,” she said, keeping her tone low.
Robert knew when he had been dismissed. He walked out into the hallway.
The lights were brighter in the hallway and his head immediately began to hurt. He realized how tired he was. Dr. Miller was standing at the nurse’s station looking over the chart. He had walked into this hospital barely five minutes ago and he already looked like he was in charge. Robert wondered how he did that.
Susan’s father looked up and spotted him. He set down the chart and stormed over to Robert.
“What have you done?” Dr. Miller said furiously but quietly.
“What?”
“How could you have given them permission to do a total hysterectomy? She’s far too young.”
“I did what I needed to do to keep my wife alive and healthy,” Robert said.
“You idot!” Dr. Miller was practically spitting he was so mad. “Emergency surgery for the immediate problem I can understand. But you should never have agreed to elective surgery without a second opinion. What the hell did you go to medical school for young man?”
Robert saw red. He had done his best. It had been a hard decision to make, but it had been his decision to make. He remembered wishing his father-in-law had been there and regretted it.
“I made an informed decision based on my wife’s condition at the time. It was my decision to make and I made it.”
“Without giving Susan a chance to decide?”
“I did what I thought was best and I stand by that decision. According to Dr. Saddler, another pregnancy could kill her.”
Dr. Miller looked him up and down, his gaze lingering below the waistline long enough to give his reply meaning. “There are other ways of avoiding conception. Or perhaps you’re planning to abandon my daughter and start another family.”
Robert looked at his father-in-law with complete surprise. The thought was so alien to him he could barely comprehend. He was aware that Susan’s parents would still like nothing better than to have him out of their lives, and hers. “The thought never entered my mind,” Robert growled. “Our vows are ‘til death do us part’. I’m just trying to make certain that doesn’t happen any time soon.”
Dr. Miller grumbled something incomprehensible and pushed past him to enter Susan’s room.
The nurse at the desk gave him a sympathetic look and rolled her eyes. “In-laws,” she said quietly. “I have’em too. In spades. Don’t let them get to you, Dr. Thompson.”
Robert nodded and took a deep breath. “Is there any coffee around here?”
She motioned him behind the desk and found him a mostly clean cup. He rinsed it out in the sink and helped himself to the coffee from the pot. It was going to be a long night.
It was more than a long night. The nurse gave Susan’s parents twenty-five minutes to sit with her then shooed them out with impressive efficiency. Robert told them he would take them to his place and they stiffly refused. It was the middle of the night and he had no wish for their games or their company. He handed them the keys to Susan’s station wagon and suggested that they follow him home. The twins would want to see them in the morning and Susan would be offended if they didn’t stay at her house. The Millers acquiesced with as few words as possible.
The next morning he woke early as was his habit, no matter what time he went to sleep. Without Susan, he slept badly, and he knew the girls would be up at their usual time. By the time he got downstairs he could hear the girls chattering and smell coffee brewing. They swarmed to him when he entered the kitchen, telling him excitedly that their Granny was there. Lisa indicated the coffee pot with a nod and told him that her husband had already returned to the hospital, using Susan’s car.
The Millers seemed to simply take over. The girls were perfectly happy with their granny there to fuss over them. Dr. Miller was constantly at his daughter’s bedside. Robert began to feel that he didn’t belong anyplace. He visited Susan daily and tried to spend time with the girls. He felt like a prisoner in his own home, although the girls welcomed him, their grandmother always quickly swept them off into one activity or another.
Susan spent an interminable week in the hospital. The twins were too young to visit her, but with their grandmother they colored pictures for her. Robert brought her flowers every day. So did her father. After three days Susan told Robert to stop. It was obvious that Robert and her father were trying to outdo each other and her room—a private room at her father’s insistence—was beginning to look like a funeral parlor. She tried to make a joke of it, but her eyes misted over at the end and Robert felt miserable.
They couldn’t find time to talk. Her father always seemed to be there. All Robert could do was hold her hand and endure his father-in-law’s glares. Susan called him at the office near noon one day and told him to come over while her father went to eat lunch. Robert broke all speed laws getting there. He touched her cheek and both of them began to cry.
“How is it at home?” she asked.
“The girls are happy. Lisa is feeding them well.”
“I miss them so much.”
“You’ll be home soon.” He pulled his chair close and lay his head on the pillow next to her.
“How are they treating you?” She asked with concern.
“I’ll live.” He didn’t want to talk about that.
“It’s your house!”
He patted her shoulder. “It’s okay. Don’t get all excited. You’ll be home and it’ll all be over soon.”
“Daddy had no right to speak to you like that.” She waved a hand at him and leaned forward to kiss him quickly. “The nurse told me. I know you never would have. Dr. Saddler also told me that it was the right decision to make. Robert, we have a beautiful family. I don’t want to… to…” tears began to fall again.
“I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. If there had been more time to make a decision, maybe I could have found…”
She touched her fingers to his lips. “I wanted more babies. But I want to watch the girls grow up more. I trust you.”
He pressed his forehead to hers and clutched her fingers in his. “Susan, I…”
He was interrupted by a noise from the doorway. Susan’s father had returned. Susan turned to him and Robert sat back feeling like an interloper again.
Two days later Susan called him again.
“Where’s your Dad?”
“I told him my mouth was dry and sent him to get gum. I needed to talk to you.”
“What’s wrong?” Robert was suddenly concerned.
“Daddy just told me that when I come home they plan to send Maggie up here to be my housekeeper while I recover.”
“Maggie? I know she’s your friend, but she’s got her own kids in Texas.”
“Exactly. If they ask, she’ll do it. But she shouldn’t have to. So we’re going to have to get a housekeeper first.”
Robert chuckled. “Sort of a pre-emptive strike? Susan, you’re becoming very devious.”
“Sometimes I have to where my parents are concerned. They can be a bit overpowering.”
“So I noticed,” Robert said with a sigh. “How do I hire a housekeeper?”
“Call Janet. Enlist her help. And the best thing is to have her call mother and get mother to help interview. Make sure Janet tells her this was your idea.”
“If you think that’s going to make points for me with your parents, I don’t think it will work. I’m immune.”
“Don’t sound so glum, honey. There’s always hope.”
Robert shook his head. “If you say so. Okay, I’ll call Janet in a few minutes.”
“Daddy was complaining about your car today.”
“My car? How can he not like my car? It’s a Mercedes Benz!”
“He was asking why you weren’t driving it. Why it was parked in the garage.”
“It’s winter! I don’t want to get salt all over it and have it rust out.”
“I explained that. I explained that you keep the old Corvair for driving around in the winter when the roads are bad. I think he’s too much of a Southerner to really understand.”
Robert thought it was probably just because her father was a jerk and didn’t want to understand.
“He also thinks I should have a Cadillac.”
“You picked out that Mercury station wagon yourself. You didn’t want a Cadillac.”
“I told him that. Robert, really, sometimes I think he’s getting old and cranky. He doesn’t seem to be happy with anything.”
“Maybe he’s homesick.” Robert hoped so, and hoped the Millers would leave soon. “Well, honey, you just get well. I’ll call Janet and we’ll have a housekeeper hired by the time you get home next week.”
Susan sighed. “I can’t wait. I’m tired of lying here. I know I’ve still got a lot of recuperating to do, but it will be so nice to sleep in my own bed. And be able to kiss you goodnight.”
“I’m looking forward to that too. I’ll stop by and see you after work.”
Lisa Miller must have interviewed two dozen applicants. She was very exacting, but was in her element. She knew what kind of experience the woman should have and thoroughly checked references. Janet was a terrific help, and kept Robert posted since Lisa Miller never said a word to him. Janet was entirely sympathetic to Robert’s plight of having his home taken over by the in-laws. Susan had long ago explained the strained relationship to her. When she had narrowed the search down to three applicants she arranged for each of them to meet Susan at the hospital.
The weekend was the worst. Instead of Daddy day, Lisa cooked breakfast before the girls got up, then Randolph packed the girls in the station wagon and took them into Chicago to the Field Museum. Robert steamed through his final cup of coffee. The girls were too young for that. Robert had been looking forward to taking them in a few years when they could appreciate the exhibits more. Robert was given orders to take Lisa to visit Susan. When Lisa was ready she pointedly entered the garage and sat in the Benz, not the old Corvair Robert drove in the winter. Robert glanced out at the slushy road, gritted his teeth and got in the Benz, vowing to wash the car down as soon as he got home.
Sunday was a repeat of Saturday, only Randolph kept the twins at home while Robert took Lisa to the hospital. There was fresh snow and Missy was insisting on building snowmen. Fresh snow meant fresh salt. Robert could almost feel the iron atoms in the steel body binding with oxygen in the water of every puddle they splashed through.
The housekeeper started on Monday and Robert was praying that this would signal an end to the Miller’s visit. He had to admit that taking care of the twins, working and visiting Susan would have been almost impossible, but he still regretted that he hadn’t been given the chance to try. He came home to find a Negro lady in a white apron stirring stew in the kitchen. Missy was riding comfortably on her hip, peering in the pot with her. Helena sat at the kitchen table with a coloring book.
Their new housekeeper was just past middle age. There was a touch of white to her hair. She was a big built woman, almost as tall as Robert with strong arms and legs as big as stumps. Robert caught his daughter deftly as she tried to fly from her new friend to her father and shook the woman’s hand. Her name was Martha. Susan had already told him that her references were excellent. She had a lot of experience with families with small children. Her own children were grown and she was supporting her mother and a granddaughter who was a kindergartener. She and Susan had already agreed that if things worked out over the next month, the granddaughter would transfer to a nearby Catholic school and Martha would work five days a week during the child’s school hours. Her duties would include cleaning, laundry, fixing lunch for Susan and the girls and starting supper. It was already agreed that during the first month, she would remain at work long enough to fix supper for the family and she would also have some light nursing duties as Susan needed when she first came home. The woman appeared affable and capable. The twins already seemed to like her. Of course, Missy seemed to like everyone. She was a people person and strangers were just friends she hadn’t met yet.
After dinner Robert kissed the girls good night and headed for the hospital. Randolph was just coming home. Robert spent two blissful hours with his wife, and the best part was, Susan would be released the next day. Robert called his boss and asked for the day off. He wanted to ask when the Millers would be leaving, but chose not to voice that thought.
Susan was good at reading his mind. “Mama and Daddy have reservations to fly out on Thursday,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze.
“Maybe I should take the whole week off to celebrate.”
“I’d rather you wait until I recover so we can have a proper vacation.”
Robert nodded. “It’s a promise. How about seeing if we can borrow George’s cabin up in Wisconsin? We can spend two weeks fishing or just sitting on the dock being lazy.”
Susan smiled. “That sounds perfect. Although with the girls there, I doubt you’ll have much of a chance to be lazy.”
Robert agreed. “Maybe they’ll take the occasional nap.” He winked at his wife and she smiled back at him, rubbing his palm with her thumb.
“Mama and Daddy would like us to visit them in Texas too.”
“Perhaps you and the girls can go down before it warms up here and spend a week or so. I don’t like to be without you, but…”
“But it would probably be for the best. You’ve put up with them long enough this week.”
“I just want you to get better. They’ve been a big help, and I don’t mind telling them. In fact, I did, tonight, and they just acted like I wasn’t even there.”
Susan sighed. “I’m so happy to be going home tomorrow.”
“Me too.” He leaned over and kissed her. She put her hand on his cheek and encouraged him to lay his head on her pillow.
“Have the girls asked about their brother?” she asked quietly.
“No. They haven’t. They’re too little to understand.”
“Robbie, it hurts. It hurts all the time, but… I don’t want to mention it to them if we don’t have to.”
He moved closer to kiss her on the cheek. “Ok. We won’t bring it up if they don’t. With their Granny and Grandpa here they’ve been so busy they haven’t even thought about it. It’s our grief to bear, not theirs.” She gripped his hand tightly, holding on as if he were her lifeline. He wished he felt as strong as she thought he was.
Three weeks later the household was approaching normalcy. Martha was still staying long enough to put supper on the table and wash up afterwards. The twins loved her, and they also loved having more of Mommy’s undivided attention. They read stories and colored and played dress-up for with Mommy their appreciative audience. Susan wasn’t driving yet, but Janet took her and the girls to dance lessons each week. It made a nice outing for Susan. Robert modified Daddy day to include grocery shopping from lists made up jointly by Martha and Susan.
One evening after the twins were safely tucked in bed and soundly asleep, Robert looked up from his chair in the bedroom. Susan had created a reading nook in a corner of their bedroom, and Robert preferred to read or study there. He was going through a stack of journals that had stacked up while he had been distracted by Susan’s recovery. Susan stepped out of the shower and was looking at herself in the full length mirror on the closet door.
“It’s an awful scar,” she said, turning one way and the other just as she had that morning when their world changed.
Robert hesitated, realizing that his next remarks could easily be misinterpreted. He chose his words carefully. “I’ve seen worse. But if it bothers you, ask Dr. Saddler to recommend a good plastic surgeon.”
She looked over at him, tilting her head. “I thought you didn’t approve of plastic surgery.”
“I said that most plastic surgery was done out of vanity and I didn’t want to make my living that way. But I said, ‘most’, not ‘all’. You still look good in a bikini. Why should you hide a figure like that when we can have the scar fixed?”
Susan rewarded him with a smile. “You think I look good in a bikini?”
“Irresistible.” Robert was wishing the doctors hadn’t said six weeks before they could make love again, but he intended to follow the orders no matter how many cold showers he had to take.
She pulled on a favorite cotton nightgown and came out to sit on his lap. He pulled her close to him, gently, and she lay her head on his shoulder. “It won’t mean I’m erasing him from my memory.”
“Or from mine. It’s just a scar. One we can get rid of. The one in our hearts will remain.”
She nodded. Together they savored the late night peace, a peace more fragile than they had thought.
Ellen Lindow
March 15, 2002
