Shattered Sunsets

Helena Russell closed the door gently, turning and making sure the door closed completely silently.  She turned to make her way down the hallway and didn’t notice the man standing by the window until she was almost upon him.

“Helena?” Alan said softly.

She turned at the sound of his voice.  “Alan.”

She appeared to have aged incredibly during the last few months.  There were lines from her eyes and dark spots beneath them.  She’d lost weight, looking positively gaunt. 

“How is he?”  Alan glanced back down to the door she’d just come through.

Helena sighed.  “No change.  He still won’t admit…”  her voice broke.  “He thinks we’re still on Alpha,” she whispered.

“Does he recognize… anyone?”

Helena looked out at the gray sky dripping rain onto the streets below.  “Just me.  He keeps asking when he can go back on duty and why you and Tony aren’t sending him any more updates.”

Alan sighed.  He shook his head and took an impatient step away from Helena.  He spun on his heel and turned back to her.  “You said this would be temporary.”

“I thought—“  she snapped.  Then she took a deep breath.  “I thought it was.”  Her voice was controlled again.  “We’ve tried every therapy we can think of.  He still goes berserk whenever he sees someone who was not on Alpha with us.  Claims they’re monsters, controlling our minds.”  Her eyes filled with tears.  “Did you come to see him?”

“I came to get you.”

She gave him a puzzled look.

“Maya and Tony are getting married this weekend. Remember?”

She looked surprised.  “This weekend? But, I thought… I guess I lost track of time.”

“They couldn’t get in touch with you.  So Tony asked me to come by here and get you.  Maya told him there would be no wedding if you weren’t there beside her.”

Helena leaned against the window sill.  “Poor Maya.  She must think I deserted her.  I haven’t seen her since we got back.  Is she doing all right?”

“Coping with Tony’s family admirably.  His sister and mother have been coaching her through everything.  They both adore her.”  Alan took Helena’s elbow and led her toward the elevator.  “We can leave as soon as you’ve packed.  Where are you staying?  I couldn’t find a listing for you.”

“I have a flat down the street.  But I haven’t even put in a phone.  I’ve been so busy here…”  she looked back down the hallway as the elevator doors opened.

Alan didn’t ask.  He’d already talked to Dr. Shaw.  Helena had been with John every minute possible.  She was the only one who could communicate with him, and even she couldn’t get him to face reality, that they really were home, on Earth.  Dr. Shaw was a good man, and very fond of Helena.  He was worried about her own well-being, and glad to hear that she had friends who were concerned as well.

“Alan, he’ll need me…”

“Helena, you can’t feed him every meal.”  He knew that was exactly what she had been doing.

“He’s all alone!”

“No.  He’s not.  There are five billion people on this planet.  Seven million in this city!  A number of them work here around the clock to make sure people with problems like John’s are taken care of.”

The elevator doors closed behind them. 

“There is no one else with a problem like John’s!”  Helena exclaimed.  “He thinks they’re all aliens trying to kill him.  He’s terrified.”

“And are you making him any better by staying with him constantly?  Has it done any good at all?”  Alan asked.

She leaned against the wall of the elevator and they stared at each other for a moment.  She didn’t want to admit it, even to herself, but finally she slowly shook her head.

“Then let’s go to Italy.” Alan turned and touched the button to take them to the ground floor.  “When was the last time you had any sleep?”

She didn’t answer.

“You can sleep on the plane.  I’m flying.”

They were quiet for the remainder of the elevator ride and at the front door she indicated the direction of her flat.  Alan glanced at the rain, pulled his overcoat tighter and they headed out.

She had little to pack and it looked like she was rarely at the small sparsely furnished flat.  Thirty minutes later they were in a cab on the way to the airport.  Mentally, Alan was preparing his flight plan.  It would take a while for him to file it.  He intended to get Helena settled on the small private jet and let her sleep.  She looked like death warmed over.  They would be in Naples by dinnertime.  He hoped a few days away would help her.

He showed her to the plane and settled her into the passenger cabin of the small but well-appointed jet.  He fixed her a drink at the wet bar, taking a soda for himself. 

“The seat reclines.  We’ll probably take off in about an hour or so.”

She nodded and accepted the drink and a blanket without a word.

In Naples, Alan and Helena were welcomed by the Verdeschi family and swept into the whirlwind of preparation for the upcoming nuptials.  Maya was deliriously happy to see Helena.  She liked Tony’s family even more than she thought she possibly could, but it was so good to see a familiar face.  Alan and Tony tried to stay out of the women’s way and Alan didn’t even see Helena again until the rehearsal dinner two days later. 

The wedding would take place at the Verdeschi villa perched high on a hillside with an incredible view of the Mediterranean.  After the rehearsal, which was held with much laughter, teasing and sotto voce explanations from Helena for Maya, dinner was served on the terrace.  Alan spotted Helena standing by herself looking out at the sea.  She wore a dress with lavender and green flowers and a lavender scarf that billowed in the breeze.

“Having fun?”  He asked, coming up behind her.  He leaned against the marble balustrade.

Helena turned and smiled at him.  Her eyes still held a haunted look, but she did appear to be more relaxed and rested.  “Yes, I am.  Thank you for bringing me.  It’s been good to see Maya again.”  She took a sip of the wine from the large glass she held.  “I think they’re going to be very happy.”

“Yeah.  Tony swears he’s never leaving Earth again.”

“Can you blame him?”

“Sometimes I think he brought back the only worthwhile thing we found in our travels,” Alan said, nodding at Maya, who was standing in the shelter of Tony’s arms.  Both were talking and laughing with Tony’s mother who had simply accepted this alien orphan as one of her own as soon as Tony brought her home.

“And how about you, Alan?  You were looking forward to seeing your girlfriend when you headed for Earth.  Are there wedding bells in your future?”

Alan chuckled.  “With Jeanie?  Probably not.  It was great to see her again.  We spent about a week together before she headed to Borneo with a film crew.  She’s a videographer.  One of the great things about our relationship has been enjoying each other when we’re together and then going our separate ways again.  She’s great, but not the marrying type.”

“So what have you been up to?”

“Well, Jeanie introduced me to her agent.  I did some talk shows and things.”  Alan shrugged.

“A celebrity?  Should I ask for your autograph?”

Alan chuckled.  “I don’t think so.  Several people from Alpha got book deals and sold rights to their story for movies.  I don’t have the patience for something like that.  I went home for a while.  But I’ll be going out there again soon.”  He pointed out at the sky.

“Into space?”

“You know they’ve re-crewed Alpha as a deep space platform?”

Helena nodded.  She hadn’t kept up much with the news, but Guido Verdeschi had told her that before she left Alpha.  He was Alpha’s new commander.

“With the new ships, it makes perfect sense.  They’ve also commissioned a half dozed deep space exploration missions; mapping, surveying, recommending places for colonization.”

“And you’ll be on one of them?”

Alan nodded.  “I’ve been offered command of one of the first.”  He looked down at his drink and then glanced at her.  “I get a say in picking my team.  I could use someone as Medical Officer and head of Life Sciences.”

“You mean me?”

“I can’t think of anyone better qualified.  Just say the word.”

Helena turned back to the sea, looking out at the water turned golden by the sunset.  “I can’t leave him, Alan.  A weekend away is one thing, but…”

“Helena, you can’t keep this up.”

She nodded.  “I realize that now, Alan.  I’ll try to balance things a little more.  I did need some rest.”

Maya and Tony walked up to join them.  “Dr. Smith said you were exhausted,” Maya scolded gently.  “You certainly wouldn’t have let John work himself into such a state.”

“I’ll take some time out, once in a while.  I promise.”  Helena smiled at her friends.

“You need to get on with your life,” Tony said seriously.  “Did Alan tell you what he’s planning?”

“Yes, and I have to admit the offer is tempting.  Being trapped on Alpha was one thing, but actually having a chance to explore space… it’s what we’d all hoped for, why we were in the space program in the first place.”

“Then you should take it,” Tony said.

“But John…”

“Helena,” Alan said, exasperated.  “Are you married to him?”

“You know I’m not, Alan.”

“Engaged?”

Helena glanced away from her friends.  “Not… officially.”

“In his current condition is there even any hope?” Tony asked.

“There’s always hope,” Helena snapped at her friend.

“Of course there is,” Alan soothed.  “And if he gets better, he would obviously want to be with you.  We all know that.  But at this point, you have to think about your own life and your own future.  It’s not as if we’re never coming back.  Helena, you need to get on with your life.”

“You wouldn’t have to leave immediately, Helena,” Alan said more gently.  “Take a month or so to think it over.  I can keep the position open that long.  Then I’d need you in Houston for mission training and briefings.  But we still wouldn’t be leaving for another four months.  You’d have plenty of time to visit him.”

“And Tony and I aren’t that far away.  We’ll keep an eye on him,” Maya promised.

“Dr. Shaw will keep us all informed of his progress,” Tony added.  “Helena, the last thing he would want is for you to waste your life waiting for him.”

Helena took a deep breath and blinked back tears.  “You’re right, I know it.  It’s just… hard to let go.”

Maya put her arms around her friend and dismissed the two men with a look.  Helena leaned against her for a moment, then pulled away, wiping her eyes.  “I’m sorry Maya.  This is supposed to be a happy time for you.  I shouldn’t be burdening you with my problems.”

“When that rescue ship arrived.  Everyone was so happy, so full of hope.  And I was terrified.  Now,” she turned and looked at the Verdeschi villa.  “I’ve found a new home, and a whole family.  I want you to be happy too, Helena.”

Helena turned back toward the sea and shook her head.  “John and I wanted…”  Her voice broke and she paused before starting over again.  “We hoped for some time together.  A chance to build a life together.”  She shook her head again and said very softly, “I didn’t even care if it was on Earth, as long as we could be together.”

“Helena.  Let the experts here on Earth try to help him.  Give them some time.  Go with Alan and put your life back together.”

Helena nodded reluctantly.  “I’ll think about it, Maya.  I promise.”

Maya’s name was called by someone in her new family and Helena urged her to go with a reassuring smile. 

Helena turned back to the sea.  It was time to put her life back together again.  She thought back across the years to her father’s death, then meeting Lee and their commitment to each other.  Losing Lee had been hard and it had been so difficult to start over again.  She had withdrawn to her work for a while, shunned friends, resisted any kind of intimacy.  Then she found John, and lost the Earth almost simultaneously.  The closer she got to John the less she felt the loss of Earth and all they left behind.  Now she had lost John and must start over again.

She looked up at the stars.  Whenever she felt despair, the stars had always given her a sense of peace.  Perhaps someday, John would be well.  If so, she would be there for him.  For now, she would pick up the pieces of her life once again, and look to the stars for direction.

She turned back to the party, wanting to give Alan her decision and finding herself feeling a bit of excitement now that the decision was made.

Broomhildi

2003